How I deal with negative people

We are all confronted with negative people at times. Some can be negative for a short period of time. Others seem to be negative most of the time. And—we have to admit this—sometimes we can be the negative ones.

The thing is that when you are enthusiastic or when you want to move forward with something and you are confronted with negativity, it can pull you down. It can take away all your energy. Or maybe you were ready to step out of your comfort zone despite your fears, and the negative person pulled you right back into your comfort zone, away from your dreams or your courage.

Where does the negativity come from?

There can be several causes, of course, but I’ll list a couple of common reasons for negativity. Sometimes, what we perceive as negativity can be well-meant cautiousness, linked to real risks.

Sometimes, we can be negative (and resentful) because we haven’t accepted a new situation yet and don’t feel able to cope with it. For instance, imagine that you just received bad news that really impacts you. You might go through a negative phase before you find the energy to deal with the situation. That is a normal phase of acceptance.

Then you can have people who stay in that negative phase for a very long time. They will always see the negative side of things—they will rarely see possibilities for improvement. We sometimes call this a mood of resignation.

How I learned to deal with negative people

Once you understand where the negativity comes from, you can start to deal with it in a more positive way. The first thing I try to do with negative people is listen with empathy. It means listening from a deeper level, trying to understand the other person’s point of view, seeing the world through his eyes. This does not mean listening in order to argue or prove something. Listening often serves me because I tend to see the big picture and want to move rapidly, but I sometimes overlook very important details. I am annoyed by a negative comment that slows me down or kills my enthusiasm, but very often it is useful to increase my impact.

Listening with empathy also helps the other person accept a situation. When someone really listens to you, you can let go of your worries and find the energy to accept and deal with a situation. Your emotions can shift from resentment or negativity toward acceptance, or even enthusiasm. Listening with empathy will probably help with the first two causes of negativism.

But with people who stay in a negative mood for a long time, I simply avoid them or ignore them. I will give them as little attention as possible. But sometimes, those people can have a negative influence on others around them during transformations. Can you still ignore them in that case?

Give attention to the positive people

The group to which you give your attention will grow. It means that if you give your attention to a small negative group that influences others, that group will probably grow (even if your intention was the opposite). You will always have positive people, negative people and neutral people during a transformation. What I learned during mine is to give more attention to the positive people. By doing that, more neutral people shifted towards the positive group. The negative group began to shrink, and at some point, the last negative ones were afraid to be excluded and joined the transformation as well.

So I always listen once or twice with empathy to someone who is negative, but if nothing changes, I ignore the person (as much as possible).

How are negative people affecting you? And how do you deal with them?

Want to receive our weekly blog, events, free Masterclasses? Let us know here.